8 Balls Help
I bought an eightball this morning. Not because I’m relapsing or weak or giving up, but because maybe it’ll have a positive impact on my fucking art. Typing that out feels like garbage. I know why I’m doing this! Doing drugs feels awesome, cocaine gives me confidence and energy, and I keep surviving so why not test it?
I’ve always chosen darkness, and I’ve always survived and recovered. I have a steady income and more faith in myself than ever before. There is literally no reason not to boost my energy and confidence. I’m no longer an addict; I can just be a casual user! Also, being self-employed removes the professional aspect of being a drug-user.
I’m certainly not comparing myself to the following, but for the sake of making excuses and feeling good about this choice (it’s a choice!) here’s a damn list of artists and thinkers whose drug use promoted better art: Hemingway, Kinkade, Warhol, Pollock, Van Gogh, Basquiat, Winehouse, Cobain….. I could list people for hours and hours. And they’d all still be dead.
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