Artist Guy?

I suppose the worst thing “Artist Guy” can do is lament his position as artist, lament his art, and pout when things don’t turn out just right.  So I’m starting over, I’m painting mountains, and I’m practicing a new approach: regardless of how happy I am with the product – finished or in progress – I will destroy it, I keep this in mind throughout its conception and application.  How much can one really care about a product if he knows it will be destroyed upon completion?

 If this makes me a nihilist, I’m comfortable with that. I spent many years being a life-nihilist – only creating lifestyles I could leave, only creating relationships that would fail, only moving to new cities when I had an eventual exit plan, etc.  This worked for me, for several years, and then I reached a point where I had nothing established except for fun stories, interesting memories, and foggy nights I can’t remember from which I awoke with bruises and a headache.  In an attempt to be less of a life-nihilist, I am creating art-nihilism.  Create nothing which cannot be reasonably destroyed. 

 I am secretly (not so secretly, since I’m typing it out now) hoping that at some point, I will create something about which I am so confident, something that brings me so much joy, something that screams to remain.  I won’t destroy that thing.


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